Their Minds and Bodies Are Changing Fast

The early signs of puberty generally start when children are 8-11 years old and become even more obvious over the next few years. Young girls have their first period usually when they are between 10-13 years old and young boys ages 11-13 years old often battle with spontaneous erections and may experience nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). As you can imagine, early puberty is such a confusing time for children. There are physical changes happening almost daily, dopamine is still pushing their emotional buttons, and their hormones are raging. To complicate the situation, their arms and legs are growing longer and so they feel more clumsy. For many of these kids pimples pop out on their faces adding to their already insecure self-image. What can a parent do to help during this important time of transition?

Share Your Experience and Calm Their Fears

You have life experiences you can share with your children that will help calm their fears. Their greatest concern is wondering what is going to happen to them next and if what is happening now is normal. If you have a daughter who has not started her period, but you know it will happene soon, explain to her that the experience is a normal cleansing of the uterus and nothing to fear. Give her a pad and encourage her to have it with her all the time because she will probably not have a warning as to when her first period will begin. If you have a son, explain to him that spontaneous erections are normal and all boys experience them , and they will become less frequent as he gets older. You might also want to have a discussion with him about nocturnal emissions or wet dreams. Most likely, it will concern your son when he wakes up and notices that his clothes are wet. Have an extra set of linens available for him so he can discrete change his sheets when this happens.

Respect and Support Each Other

As your children experience the physical and emotional ups and downs of puberty, they are moving closer and closer to adulthood. It is a transition time for parents too because gradually you will establish a more adult relationship with your child. A great place to begin is to let your child know that you understand that he or she is in the midst of big challenges both physically and emotionally and you want to be a friend and guide. It is probably time for a more mature conversation between you and your maturing adolescent that encourages mutual respect and support. You are still the parent and make the final calls, but express to your adolescent that you want to hear this or her opinions and work together with your son or daughter as he or she thinks through the choices (both big and little) that will be made as they mature. The navigation is a little tricky but if you respond to your child with respect, this can become a bonding experience and special time in your relationship.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting

• Communication is the most important parenting tool that you can use to stay connected to your maturing adolescent and have input into his/her life. Set aside a consistent time each week to connect. Make it special (best to include food) and mutual so that it is pleasant for both of you. Your adolescent might fight you a bit on this, but stay true to the course and you will be successful.
• It is time to stop directing and instead start negotiating issues that come up with your child. As often as possible, request his or her input before you announce a decision. For example, if there is a social event your child wants to participate in and they come to you for an okay, take some time to talk to your child about the event, gather information about the details, and explore how he or she feels about participating before you react with a “no” or a “yes”. Give some thought to your child’s perspective and then discuss your decision with him or her.
• Parenting a child through puberty is certainly challenging. It would be helpful for your child to hear that this is a difficult time for you too. Although your adolescent might not understand why it is hard for you to see him or her grow up and eventually leave home, expressing your feelings is important for you and for your child.

Something to consider

Have you explained to your adolescent the physical and changes that are going to happen in the next few years?

Every child is different. Please consider the special characteristics of your child as you implement the suggestions in this article.