I raised a daughter so I know well the concern that parents have about young girls having sex. You can set limits but we all know that teenagers enjoy breaking through limits.
The time will come when each young girl will have the opportunity to have sex for the first time. Therefore, we really should consider how can we prepare her for this decision?
If your daughter is having consistent periods and is beginning to take an interest in boys, I suggest the time is right for you to start planning small talks with your daughter about topics related to sex.
This may feel like the LAST thing you want to do, but by sharing a positive attitude and openness to answer your daughter’s questions you are helping her to have an optimistic and HEALTHY understanding about sex.
Ultimately, that is what we want, right? When the time is right for them, we want our daughters to have a clear idea of what a healthy sexual relationship looks like on which to base her decision-making.
What Is Her Motivation?
You daughter needs to understand that having sex the first time will affect her life that day forward.
At its core, the choice to have, or not have, sex is about her body, her respect for herself, and her desire to protect this most intimate part of herself. She is the one who needs to sort out her own motivation; no one can do that for her.
It can be a challenging place to be in as a parent. On one hand, a parent has a duty to be sure their daughters understand they are responsible and accountable for the decisions made. But you also want to be present as a sounding board as she works through her reasoning, and help her to choose the best path.
Ask her, why does she want to have sex?
A few possible options:
- Feeling that the guy in question won’t like them anymore if she doesn’t have sex with him.
- Getting peer pressure from other girls who have already had sex is making her feel bad about her choices.
- Wanting to have sex because she is genuinely curious about it.
We want our daughters to make a clear and informed choice, not one that is a result of a sort of rebellion against parental rules or from pressure to give in to someone else’s choice.
It’s More Than Physical
We also want girls to understand that having sex is not just a physical experience. There are also emotional and psychological factors to be considered. Is she able to manage these? How do her emotions feed her motivations? Is she mature enough and does she have the proper support to handle these experiences?
Break the Cycle
For so many young girls, this discussion never happens. Let’s make a difference in your daughter’s life by moving past the awkwardness and having great conversations that will change her life….and probably yours too!
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