I thought this picture captured how most moms feel most of the time when they are raising young teenagers … in over their head!

Adolescents in that are 10+ years old, and all the way into their 20s, can keep you under water. Just as you think you have weathered one disturbance, another one is on the horizon.

If you have had the opportunity to talk to other moms who also are raising adolescents, it is immediately apparent that you have a lot in common. It is almost as if all adolescents are reading from the same playbook.

Here are three suggestions you can use as lifesavers when there is about to be a conflict.

1. Don’t get into heated arguments with your adolescent. No one ever wins these. When your conversation starts to heat up, you can use this phrase, “Let’s take a break.” This gives you and your adolescent time to cool down. It is funny about them. It seems that often, they explode one minute and are fine the next. Is it hormones? Is it brain development? Who knows for sure!

2. Ask questions rather than give directives. Your adolescent thinks they know more than you and they don’t want you telling them what to do. Rather than saying, “No, that is not a good idea.” Try saying “Interesting idea. Explain your plan.”

3. In your conversations with your adolescent, just ask questions in a nice tone. The person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation. Hopefully, that will be you. Be careful not to let your questions sound like you are interrogating them.